When in a disagreement you are each talking past the other it is due to hidden assumptions.

Ways to overcome this:

1. Reflect back to the person what you heard them saying and have them confirm its correct. If they correct you, amend your statement and reflect back again. Do this until they agree with what you say.

2. Check that you are defining all key terms in the same way.

3. Keep asking “why”.

Using these three tools you will find the hidden assumptions.

For example, when talking about gay marriage at the level of of “its not natural” vs “its a human right” you’re not going to get anywhere. Using the tools above you might discover that the argument is a disagreement about parenting. With two sides:

1. Marriage goes in hand with children. Children need a male and female parent to create the best useful adults.


2. Theres no evidence that kids with a male and female parent turn out better. We should be trying as many new forms of parenting as possible due to the 400,000 orphans in the USA. +, what if these parents discover new parenting methods that are superior?

Once you’ve found the true disagreement, you can rely on evidence. In some cases there may not be evidence. If you’re ambitious, create the evidence. Otherwise, at least you now understand each other’s point of view. Instead of just yelling.

^Day 28/90 241 Words

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