Much of routine social interaction is just games.

But you can get past that by asking deep questions.

Think of the typical interaction with a neighbor while waiting in line for the elevator:

Neighbor: “Hey, how are you doing?”

Me: “Good, how are you?”

Neighbor: *goes back to staring at elevator light*

Me: *doesn’t even notice that neighbor didn’t respond to a question*

Its simple acknowledgement.

Much of our interactions on a daily basis are like this.

They consist of points and counterpoints that are expected and routine.

This extends to interactions with friends and in social settings.

There are a variety of “games” that people play. For example at parties you’ll have one or more of the following groups:

1. The people trying to 1-up each other with crazy drinking / travel or other stories.

2. The people sharing photos of their kids.

3. The people arguing about sport or politics.

Much of this thinking come from Games People Play by Eric Berne. He goes into much more detail about all sorts of different games.

And its a bit of a shame. We’re missing opportunities to create real connections with people.

The good news is that in order to do that all you have to do is ask questions. Ask deep, interesting questions.

People will be thrown off at first but will then settle into a deeper more interesting conversation.

Ask about their childhood. Ask about their goals. Ask about their hopes. Ask about their fears. Ask about their relationships.

You won’t regret it.

^Day 84/90 258 words

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